The Right Words by Paeony Lewis

I adore words, although I appreciate ‘less is more’ with picture book stories and some texts need pruning or stubble burning. However, it’s not just about cutting a text to 200-500 words (or zero words). I think that sometimes it’s all right to stick in a seemingly unnecessary word or two, if it adds a lot to the story experience. It’s about finding the right words, and not just the right word count. Of course, concentrating on what a story is really about, and chucking out extraneous waffle also helps.

You might shrug at what appears to be an obvious observation about finding the 'right words'. It is obvious, although it took me over a year of writing and learning about poetry for this obvious statement to burrow deeper into my brain. Perhaps it was a case of knowing something without truly appreciating it?

After immersing myself in contemporary poetry, I've realised my picture-book writing has morphed. I now search harder for the right words and for different ways of seeing everyday words. This makes it tougher for me to look at my old texts and revise, because the old texts feel a little alien. Weird. Maybe I’ll grow out of it? 

For me, the right words might be extra words, or they might be words that allow other words to be cut. They might be simple words or lush words. Picture books are written to be read aloud by an adult to a child and this can allow a richer palette of words than in an early reading book. For example, in the delightfully surreal Egg Drop by Mini Grey, there's a tongue-twisting sentence that intrigues children:

It didn't know much about flying
(and it didn't know anything
 about aerodynamics
 or Bernoulli's Principle).

In contrast to this, Jon Klassen uses simple language with style. I adore This is Not My Hat by Jon Klassen. He uses unassuming words and pedestrian sentences, and then combines them with deceptively simple illustrations to create a thoughtful story that leaves room for the reader to ponder.

 from This Is Not My Hat by Jon Klassen

Here's an excerpt from a longer section. At first glance it might appear a little repetitive, but it's not. I think you can hear the child's voice and the glorious self justification. 

I know it's wrong to steal a hat.

I know it does not belong to me.

But I am going to keep it.

It was too small for him anyway.

It fits me just right. 

from Owl Babies, illus by Patrick Benson

Sometimes the right words may add to the lyrical sing-song quality of a text. In this example from Owl Babies by Martin Waddell (a steadfast favourite), the penultimate and is a 'right word', even if it appears to be an excess word. In isolation, I think the sentence below would be a little menacing  without the penultimate and, yet with it, the sentence is softened and flows.

Soft and silent, she swooped

 through the trees to Sarah and Percy
 and Bill.

Oliver Jeffers also gives respect to the reader in This is Not My Moose. It's another of my favourites. We're told stuff, but we also smile because we understand what's also being said between the lines.

Sometimes the moose wasn't a very good pet.
He generally ignored Rule 7: Going
whichever way Wilfred wants to go.

I've just noticed that three of my examples are from author/illustrators. I suspect that's just a coincidence, although  I've always thought that a large proportion of the best and worst books come from people who illustrate and write. But that's only my opinion and it might be time for me to scurry away!

If anybody has examples of picture book sentences that seem to use the 'right words', I'd love to read them in the comments' section. And if you disagree with my opinions, just say!

Paeony Lewis
www.paeonylewis.com