Can I REALLY be a real writer? FOMO is slowing me down • by Natascha Biebow

I have been telling stories since I was small. 

I told stories to anyone who would listen, especially the dogs!

As a kid, we used to go on long car journeys to the south of Brazil, and I’d babble on, creating all kinds of shenanigans for my fictional characters. My grandmother lived in England, so I’d send her recorded tapes with songs and stories in the mail (in times way before the internet was invented). 

 

A creative writing assignment in school? On it. 

 

This is a whole 'collection' of short stories written in school,
loving saved for me by my mother.

A short story about a cup and a saucer - who is more important?

 Poetry competition for the school newsletter? Yes! 

 

I used to write poetry even. Not now!

 

I loved to write, but I never imagined I’d actually be a published writer when I grew up.

 

Like many writers I know, there is no shortage of stories we could invent or tell. But when it comes to wondering if we’ll ever get them put inside a book that will land in the hands of other readers, children, often DOUBT sets in. Even if we are published, we doubt we can do it again . . . and even another time.

 

I’ve been pondering this.

 

I can draft a story no problem. In fact, I have drawers full of stories (metaphorically speaking, of course – they are all filed on my computer, a folder for each one, many drafts in each folder . . . ). My agent and I send out the most polished ones. And we wait.

 

But, here’s where the problem begins. WAITING. The silence while publishing grinds its wheels starts to conjure up DOUBT again. Will anyone ever say ‘yes’?

 

And then there are all those other writers who are doing so well – I hear and see the noise at events and on social media – successes celebrated, reviews, awards, new books launched . . . all seemingly much faster than I can get my next one finished and signed up. I’m thrilled for my fellow writers, I really am, but still, DOUBT is a mean spiral of negative thoughts that escalates, question after question:

 

Should I be doing something I’m not?

Am I missing out?

Why is it not happening?

Should I be submitting there instead or to this or that competition?

Should I be writing something else?

Should I spend more time marketing my book or writing a new one or . . .?

But I already have so many stories, should I be  . . . ?

What if . . . what if . . . what if . . .?

Maybe I should dig out that novel, but I’m halfway through this picture book and that idea and . . .  What to work on? What do those editors want anyway?

PLUS I really need to earn an actual living, so I’d probably better focus on doing that.

 

THEN I start to make excuses for not writing:

 

I don’t have enough time.

I’m busy homeschooling and juggling so much right now, I really don't have the headspace for writing a great book at the moment.

I’ll just clean the house and then I’ll write if there’s time.

I can’t write that book right now.

Someone else has probably done that already.

If I don’t send that story out on submission, it can’t get rejected.

I just got a rejection, maybe I should take a little break.

I don’t know how that story ends . . .

Maybe I was only ever meant to write one book?!

Maybe I’ll just bake some cookies and think about my story instead.

I’ll never earn enough from my writing.

 

Oh my goodness. STOP! BREATHE!

 

FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) is taking over my head (and my heart).

 

I need a new story.

 

I need to remember to start THINKING and ACTING like a writer:

 

First, I need to remember – everyone has their own journey and this is mine. I will never be a series fiction writer churning out books quickly. I will be a book-every-so-often-that-is-inspired-and-cooked-over-time kind of author.

 

I start by breathing and being grateful that I am this kind of writer.

 

Sometimes, it can take a bit of time to figure out where you fit and to be OK with this, not trying to pigeon-hole yourself to be like others. FOMO doesn’t serve me well, I’ve realized. The slot for someone else won’t fit me comfortably. THERE IS SPACE FOR EVERYONE.

 

Next, I make two columns:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

- how long editors take to consider submissions
- rejections (it might be the wrong manuscript at the wrong time; it’s not necessarily always about me or the story.)
- how much publishers will pay for a book and/or put in for marketing spend
- what other authors are doing
- the current state of the marketplace and trends
- what kind of writing I write

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

- bum on seat – commit to writing on a regular basis and stop making excuses for why I don’t have enough time to write. I need to put it in my diary. I need to plan ahead for the time I will write so that I’m not wasting time ‘preparing’.

- take webinars and courses to keep learning and improving my craft. There are some great free and low-cost webinars that can help me learn from other authors, illustrators and publishing professionals. I’ve been enjoying the great interviews on the weekly Kid-Lit Distancing socials

- be active in a writing community like SCBWI to find support, learn new skills, and make connections that will stand me in good stead when my next book comes out
- get critiques of my work – join a critique group or pay a literary consultant for their expert objective eye
- read lots of mentor texts - aloud

- keep an eye and an ear on what is going on in the market, but limit social media so it doesn’t become a distraction 

- spend time with children who are my audience and observe

- be brave and be prepared to re-think and re-visualize books that have been rejected; re-write! and reconnect with my vision
-  reach out to librarians and teachers to make new connections to promote my published book

- stop waiting for an editor to say yes and write more books so I have some on the back-burner while others are on submission

- research my new book ideas and reach out to experts

- look out for 1-1 or competition opportunities

 

Most importantly, I realize I can take control of the ‘no’ – either the rejection letter or the nearly, not quite feedback from editors – and choose how I will react. Will I let DOUBT set in with its breathless questions bringing on inertia and excuses, or will I look at my list of actions I can take and get stuck in and make a start?

 

LOOK! The list of things I can do is soooooo much longer than the other list, though arguably, the weight isn’t quite equal in that ultimately, we are all waiting for an editor to say ‘yes’ to that project we are passionate about.

 

It’s like any problem: it needs chunking down

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then, perhaps, the process of being a ‘real’ writer begins to look more achievable.

Plus, I am a storyteller, after all, so I’m going to weave a story around this. Once there was a girl who dreamt of becoming a writer with lots and lots of books when she grew up. But . . .  there were many obstacles in the way. Does it have a happy ending? Only the author can write THAT story.  

 

 ______________________________________________________________________________________

Natascha Biebow, MBE, Author, Editor and Mentor

Natascha is the author of the award-winning The Crayon Man: The True Story of the Invention of Crayola Crayons, illustrated by Steven Salerno, winner of the Irma Black Award for Excellence in Children's Books, and selected as a best STEM Book 2020. Editor of numerous prize-winning books, she runs Blue Elephant Storyshaping, an editing, coaching and mentoring service aimed at empowering writers and illustrators to fine-tune their work pre-submission, and is the Editorial Director for Five Quills. She is Co-Regional Advisor (Co-Chair) of SCBWI British Isles. Find her at www.nataschabiebow.com

 

Rummaging and Ruminating - Jonathan Allen

Stamps! How cool is that?

I was recently contacted by a relative of the late, great Margaret Mahy, asking if I had any of the artwork for the books I had illustrated of hers that they might buy. 'The Great White man-Eating Shark' and 'The Three Legged Cat' for instance. As those books were from a good while ago, I knew I had some serious rummaging in the attic to do. So I did.

It was a nostalgic rummage at that. It always feels such a shame that most picture book artwork ends up in illustrator's attics. Some might make it onto a wall or two, but there are only so many walls in the average house and anyway, there are plenty of other things I would rather have on my wall ;-)
I came across a lot of artwork from books I had illustrated over the years. I had forgotten how much I have actually done, picture books, board books, pop-up books etc. There it all was, swaddled in bubble wrap, under a thin layer of dust. There was loads of it, not to mention the artwork for the 100 odd greetings cards I did in the eighties for Snap Graphics (defunct now I think) Hey, my stuff was popular once!

The path of my career has been one of being busy and successful, then being equally successful but doing rather less, in a more focussed way. In that mode I have been working for the same publisher almost exclusively for the last ten years. The character I invented (Baby Owl) and the concept I came up with ( I'm Not Cute! I'm Not Scared! etc you get the idea ) has had a good life but is now run it's course commercially, apart from board book reprints and such perhaps. So now I find myself no longer busy, and having time and inclination to stick my head out of my cave, having a look round at the Picture Book World in it's current incarnation, and sadly, not liking what I see very much.

For a start, getting a new idea in front of an editor is almost impossible. I'm not talking about for me per se, as I can jump the queue to some extent by citing my track record, (in theory anyway) but for any hopeful writer or illustrator.

A lot of publishers and agents don't even bother with standard rejection letters, they just don't reply to unsuccessful submissions, as if this is a perfectly normal and acceptable way to treat people.

Well it isn't. It's rude and disrespectful. Don't give me that "Due to number of submissions" stuff.
Don't, one the one hand, ask for submissions and then react as if everyone is wasting your precious time with their crappy submissions. OK, it takes time and is tedious to send a standard rejection email? (2 minutes??) But it is an acknowledgement of somebody's effort and as such the right thing to do. imho and all that. rant rant rant. . .

The other thing I realised as I surveyed the Picture Book world from my aforementioned cave was that after a great many years of thinking up, working out, roughing out and submitting ideas, is that there is an underlying process of attrition going on. A slow wearing away of your inner strength and confidence. Success is great, you get paid to do what you love, you get feedback and affirmation and all that stuff. But there is a constant pressure there, your next idea has to be good enough to get published, or if not that idea, the next one etc etc. Somewhere, deep down it wears you away slowly. Obviously, rejection doesn't help. After a few rejections you start to lose your confidence in your ability to tell what is or isn't a good picture book idea, and if it means that you are going to be financially challenged if you don't get something accepted soonish it all gets unhelpfully stressful. Low level anxiety is not the best head space in which to be effortlessly creative that's for sure.

The other other thing I realised was that my style is very much out of fashion. I have, over the years smugly told myself that because my style has never been in fashion as such, it can't go out of fashion. Wrong. . .
This is all my current perception, and I realise it may be a distorted view based on partial evidence, but nevertheless I believe there is some truth in it. There is, as I mentioned in a blog post a few months ago, an obsession in current picture books with 1950's style design orientated artwork. Retro style done by artists whose parents were probably not even born then. There is some lovely work out there, but I mourn the lack of emotional connection in the work. At worst it is a pale pastiche of an empty clichéd style I'm afraid. A sort of fake nostalgia. It is very much about composition and very stylised representations of people and animals etc. Nothing approaching an individual character. As my work is all about individual character, facial expressions and emotional connection with that character, I don't fit in at all with the zeitgeist.
That's ok, I wish all illustrators all the luck in the world, I just have to accept my time is not now, thats all.

I thought the unthinkable the other week. I thought "What would it feel like not to put myself through this any more?" This was a sacreligious concept, and one that stopped my in my tracks for a while. Writing and illustrating has been my life for the best part of 35 years, I can't just 'not do it any more'!
But the overriding feeling I got was one of huge relief. I had to listen to that.
But if I stopped writing and illustrating, how would I live? Well, I get royalties, I get the max PLR every year (hah!). I am mortgage free and the kids have left home. I even have a pension that I hadn't really thought about for years, I could spark that up, after all I am imminently 59 years old, (!) I can chug along at a low but acceptable level. I have other interests, I always have had, and I can earn a small amount from those. It's not a wildly unfeasible proposition.

And besides, if I take the pressure off myself, I am free to mess around with picture book ideas from a position of wanting to rather than feeling I need to. It may be a creatively liberating experience, who knows?
Anyway, whatever I decide to do, I send best wishes to you all and the best of luck,
Jonathan x